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Music’s biggest night fails to live up to its name

Published: Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Updated: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 02:02

Anastasia Way

Sunny Strader / The DePauw

Anastasia Way

This past Sunday for the first time ever, I watched the red carpet and Grammy Awards and was reminded why it’s not something I will probably do again. My friends and I sat cross-legged around their Rector apartment and tried to look like we were doing homework while watching the ceremony.

I succumbed to the peer pressure to watch it live because everyone else was (good reason as always) and I was tempted by the talk of outrageous outfits from years past. As someone who usually reads about awards ceremonies the next day and has a dedicated alternative rock music collection, here is my very disheartened recap of everything you didn’t miss:
We had turned it on just in time to see Taylor Swift on the red carpet somewhat foolishly show off her manicure when a host asked her to walk her fingers down a miniature red carpet box for the show’s “Mani Cam.” It made me feel dumb to watch it. I guess the producers had to find something new to do.

Then out came J.Lo, whose propped leg was giving the middle finger to Angelina Jolie’s leg, and quite well I’ll admit.

And that’s where I blank. Nothing else really happened. My friends and I got really excited when Ellen DeGeneres and Beyoncé had this super mysterious introduction about how great the next performer was going to be, and then Justin Timberlake came out. Lame sauce. In context though, this was a considerable let down after we were sure Prince was going to grace us with his beautiful weirdness. He did eventually, but by that point, we had lost interest. Nothing will beat Jay-Z and Kanye’s performance of “Otis” that they did last year, which my friend showed me on YouTube so I could compare it to J.T.’s.

What followed was an assorted calamity of bad jokes, fake acceptance speeches and mediocre to downright terrible performances (I’m looking at you, Frank Ocean). It was bad enough that I accidentally missed Mumford and Sons perform, though I was happy to hear that they won album of the year and that The Black Keys received best rock in that category. Cool. Too bad I was bored by everything else to realize that any of them were on stage. Rihanna nailed all three of her performances, but Fun. was anything but and rained on the Grammy parade early on.

And in case anyone was wondering, CBS issued an uber lame dress code in early February that prohibited too adventurous or revealing outfits. Thus, Adele’s carpet bag dress that made her look like my dead grandma’s sofa was the most exciting costume. I tuned in because I wanted to see the weird and bizarre, not a televised Vogue magazine.

Overall, there was a heavy sense of regret at the opportunity cost we paid to watch the 2013 Grammys instead of doing pretty much anything besides that. If you’re into the people watching and the interaction of too many strong personalities, you probably would have found it interesting. Looks like I’ll be reading the results online from now on. Also, who the hell is Miguel?

— Way is a senior from Long Grove, Ill. majoring in English writing and communication. *Way’s opinions do not reflect the views of The DePauw’s editorial board.

 

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